so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
