Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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