u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
