Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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