oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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