Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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