called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
