She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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