Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
