Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
