so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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