i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
