I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
