i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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