do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
