Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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