If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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