thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize