loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I looked at my own cervix.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
