I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
