I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ketchup is God's man juice
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
