i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The air was thick with penises
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
