Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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