i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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