i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Randomize
