I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
