I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize