I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
