i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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