Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
