dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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