oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
