WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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