We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i think my cat just said my name.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
