In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
