I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize