I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
