I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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