My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
