she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
