Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
