I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
