Christians are straight up FREAKS
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
