Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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