Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
