Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
