dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
