I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
