She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
