We won't sleep together?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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