there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
