her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
