So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
