omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
