I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She bit a glass in half.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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