we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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