Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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