You're my little dorito
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
