I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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