You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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