Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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