i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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