I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
