So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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