i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
