um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Boobs are out for the taking
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
