Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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