fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
