i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
