Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
