Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
