I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
