I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize