I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just want to make out with him forever
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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