She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
