based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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