he puts the penis in happiness.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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