I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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