That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
