If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
