But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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