We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
