My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
