My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
