My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
