p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
