she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize