Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
