Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
