he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
